I looked at my own cervix.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
