we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
