were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
