Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
