omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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