My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
