you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
