pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
