I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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