God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
