You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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