before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
