I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
