I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ttyl tear gas
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
