I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
