my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
