If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
