I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
