I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
