I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
