You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
