Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
P.S. I can't hear my feet
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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