I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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