I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
