he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
