Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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