We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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