is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
