the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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