His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
