just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
