Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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