maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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