best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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