those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
