Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
