either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
