he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
