the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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