belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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