I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
