I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she looked like the before picture.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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