we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
