My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
