mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
