It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
