you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
