They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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