He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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