is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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