My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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