Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize