Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
